So it’s Monday which means one thing on the blog…Mouthy Monday! And as mentioned yesterday, I was gonna do a bit of a life update, especially since the last time I did something similar was when I wrote saying I was taking a break from the blog to focus on my mental health…so an update is overdue!
Currently, I’m in the best place I’ve been all year…and to be honest, the best place I’ve been in for a long long time. And damn it feels great! I don’t want to jinx myself, but things feel like their getting a lot better. And It’s the best feeling, I haven’t felt like this in years. It feels ridiculously good to have a smile on my face that isn’t forced just to stop people asking questions I don’t know how to/want to answer.
I took a blog break to focus on my mental health, which I did. I joined the Prince’s Trust, which I have blogged about here (I will finish that mini-series asap once I find my memory stick!), which helped me a lot. It was whilst on the course, I got myself diagnosed with the support of the amazing team leader and the close friends I made whilst on the course. This was a big step but it was one that helped. Once I knew what I had and how bad they were, I knew what I had to do to help myself get better.
And during the course, and after I did this. I stopped letting the negative pull me down, and I made decisions that were tough but had to be made…like removing toxic people from my life. As hard as it is too lose friends, it’s impossible to get better if you have people in your life that like to focus on the bad things and pull you down with them.
Letting go off toxic friends though gave me a chance to make new friends, and I’ve made some amazing new friends. They’ve helped me through all the hurdles and through some really hard times, and I have so much love and respect for all them…at my worst I wasn’t an easy person to deal with but they stuck by me and pulled me through. My best friends especially, I love them the most!
I have overcome the worst of my depression, I know it’s still there but it’s a lot better than it used to be and I can control any ‘urges’ and push them back out of my head. My anxiety is still a issue, not as much as it used though and I am learning new ways to manage it better. Knowing what those weird feelings really are makes it easier to find ways to tackle them and get myself back in check.
And I’m pushing myself more and more out of my comfort zone, something the Prince’s Trust taught me. I have been away from my home town at least twice in the past month, and a lot further away than I usually allow myself to go. I’ve been at parties and socialised with people I didn’t know…and made friends in the process. I picked up a new hobby that teaches me to focus and keeps me calm when stressed out.
And it’s lead to so many good things, I’m no longer freaked out by the silence in my flat when I’m alone…it’s peaceful and I can relax with my cat and curl up on the bed and read with her asleep on my lap. I have gained more confidence in myself and I can look at my reflection and see a girl I’m happy to be…not someone I didn’t know. And it’s lead to me being more confident in stressful situations like interviews and helped me get an apprenticeship in childcare…as soon as I can get a placement I can start training and in a years time, I will be a fully qualified Nursery Practitioner. And in February I’ll be restarting open Uni…I’m ready to make something of myself and nothing will stop me this time.
Before my birthday I was at the lowest point I had ever reached…but there’s one great
So I’m gonna enjoy whats left of the year, say ‘yes’ to the things that usually make me run away and hide, and have many adventures!
Till the next time,